Signs of Infidelity
A group of individuals who were cheated on were later surveyed and asked to share what signs of infidelity they observed in their partners:
1. The most reported sign that a spouse or partner was cheating was they became emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed. Some said their mates acted as though they were single with their own agenda; they became less and less interested in them, their family, friends, and daily needs. Their attitude changed gradually from an average attentive spouse to virtually ignoring their partner completely. Others reported there was no interest in improving the marriage.
2. The second most reported sign of infidelity was that the unfaithful spouse became angry, critical, and at times even cruel. 70% of those surveyed reported these signs coupled with emotional and verbal abuse, constant put downs, and little to no patience.
Is your spouse often complaining of trivial things? Do you sense unhappiness in your spouse that you can’t explain or understand, and do they refuse to acknowledge it or talk about it when asked? Do you feel like you can’t do anything right? Do you feel like you keep giving and they keep taking, yet they are still unhappy? An affirmative answer to any of these questions may be a sign they are cheating.
3. Third on the list of signs of infidelity were criticisms about “control issues” expressed by the cheating partner. Often the cheater complained that their spouse was “controlling” when in reality they were the ones guilty of attempting to control.
Does your spouse or partner complain about being controlled, or being watched, even when you hardly ever ask about what they are doing? Or, do you feel pressured to do particular things? If you find that “control” is an ongoing issue in your discussions with your mate, this could be a warning sign.
4. Fourth on the list of the signs of infidelity was a reported increase in working hours, after-work
meetings, business trips, and a need to work out of town for prolonged periods of time.
5. The fifth, and perhaps cruelest factor in infidelity (reported by 50% of those who participated) was illness of the faithful partner. Under these difficult circumstances, many cheating partners find themselves tempted by someone who is more than willing to meet their needs while the faithful spouse is sidelined.
6. The sixth sign of infidelity was paying extra-close attention to their appearance– buying new clothes, a sudden change in cologne or perfume, losing weight, extra primping, working out at the gym, and other sudden fitness endeavors.
7. The seventh sign of infidelity was showing more energy and zeal for life– doing things they’ve never done before, or a sudden interest in a new hobby or sport. Interestingly, this sign was often accompanied by a contrasting lack of energy or depression.
8. The eighth sign was, behaving inappropriately defensive.
9. Ninth on the list was becoming extra flirtatious with the opposite sex, and/or defensive about their ‘right’ to maintain private friendships with the opposite sex.
10. The tenth sign of infidelity was an obsessive need for privacy– staying up late at night to work on the computer, taking phone calls in private, and covert texting and emailing. When your spouse suddenly needs a private email or bank account (which they become highly defensive about maintaining) or won’t let you look at their phone or share passwords, there is a good chance that infidelity is occurring. Hiding credit card statements and phone bills are also among the signs.
11. Noticing something different in your sex life (better, worse, or just different).
12. Not always wearing their wedding ring (which they give amazingly believable explanations for).
13. Unaccounted for time and absences.
14. Getting caught lying (which they often manage to explain away). Some participants in the survey also reported noticing strange looks from their partners, the partner being uncomfortable discussing the subject of affairs, and sometimes having an intuition that something was wrong.
It is important to bear in mind that:
a) While your partner may exhibit some, or even all of the signs of infidelity, they might not be having an affair. There is simply no formula for determining whether a person is cheating. The behaviors listed above occur for other reasons as well.
b) Your partner may not exhibit any of the signs, but could still be having an affair. It is a common misconception that cheaters always leave clues, and that a partner is in denial if they fail to notice them. The fact is, the majority of affairs are never detected. Some individuals can compartmentalize their lives very successfully, or are such brilliant liars their partners never find out.
If you want to know if your spouse or partner is having an affair, ultimately it is up to you to find out.
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